Of course, I do agree. Only now I found your letters, I only read your last ones.

Be proud of your honesty! I hope your parents are proud of you!

I am old, could probably be your mother. So don´t feel patronised when I speak out. I remember similar bouts of almost total despair, feeling ill and overwhelmed not clearly knowing what it was. In my young days it didn´t feel right to address a therapist, and I personally was much too suspicious of someone taking over. Later I saw the word therapist written like that: the rapist…

No, I don´t think the same now. But I still believe that the first one to take care of oneself is self. As we all have different needs and different pains – some people are definitely better than others in their empathy – we should never think: we know! We know something, but perhaps we don´t even see the most important bit. I like the story of a group of blind people learning what an elephant is. They are approaching the elefant, touching him, and afterwards each person describes: one speaks about the big flabby ear, the other one about the tail, somebody only touched the foot. They are all right, but if you are interested in his trunk teeth, all their knowledge doesn´t help you. But your interest is yours, and nobody can convince you that you´d better look at the ears.

But what about the pains, the erring stories, feelings in our head, always mixed with some portion or better potion of self doubts, self disgust or denial. I liked your desciption of the bull´s horns, and a good friend had a great idea. It wasn´t just an idea, a trick. You described in soft ways how it felt to be considered, to be heard, to be respected and you felt accepted, loved. You felt to be worth, you saw that somebody liked to be around you, and that joy gave you the permission to rest and join the joy.

In my German remarks/letter – at the end I had some idea in such a direction. I wished you could find some place and space in togetherness. I am so glad that you know it exists.

It is so hard to know what is happening at Hambi. I am not part of your group, but I am totally upset, can´t find peace, can´t bear the videos, and I am angry that I can´t stop that fraud. Abuse of power, corruption, abuse of the possibilites of law and order…

We know it all. And I know on the other hand, that the legal battles and the fight against these abusive acts is important. And we do our share, in different places with different outreach. But we all need some rest from that sometimes, in order to be able to sleep and to develop a bit of joy.

I have the impression that at Hambi you were quite good at such a mixture: I enjoyed to see the togetherness in some of the structures, having breakfirst while the lorries and tanks already approached the trees. Of course there is also always fear….

They and you are right: feel the togetherness and enjoy it. And always try to be inclusive. Don´t think of any living thing of a thing. Or why not the other way round. Look at the things (alive or still) discover their oneness, their beauty and uniqueness. treat everything with curiosity and discover its inner self and wisdom.

We are not very good at that most times, because we feel too much of our pains. But I know that the calm becoming of the other side – be whatever the other side might be – is a process of growth and gives us the enjoyment of feeling alive. And coming back to oneself – which was a bit in the background for a moment – there might be a flicker of astonishment, of love, a smile of recognition. Be familiar with yourself, a hug , acceptance, no need to change but just not taking everything too seriously. Even pains have different sides…

You have a lot of time to think and feel because you can´t go out and do much these days.

Therefore I dared to describe some of my thoughts. Perhaps you can feel some attraction to similar ideas of yours. And that would be great: imagine somewhere out there there is a German woman, much older than you, we never met, but we are both alive, try to support each other and speak to each other with respect and love.

Isn´t that just human?
Dear UPIII – some people might think: its crazy to be so „open“. Yeah, let´s be crazy, whatever. – I don´t need any judgement, I dont care about such things any more…

I leave you now. Feel the connectedness and love and I would like to urge any and all of your prosecutors to stop that silly and wrong process.

If you feel like it I would come to visit you. But you´d better connect to the people whom you shared much more with. All the best